Duck!!!!

It seems the laydees are developing a new way of opening up hostilities in the changing rooms.  The trick is to keep the locker doors open so they can either smack you in the face, or you have to do the limbo if you want to get past.  It's fabulous, really.  The number of ways that people can p**s you clean off, pretend it's all your fault that they have no manners, whilst all the while treating you like s**t without actually uttering a spoken word so they don't get themselves into a corner.  F*****g marvellous.  Wish I had the manners of pigs like this lot do.

Anyway, after managing to duck countless doors, I bravely fought my way out of the zoo enclosure and commenced my workout.  This time, I am pleased to say, I surpassed myself on the arm bike - I actually got up to 10 km (a personal best).  My bingo wings aren't disappearing any, but they must surely know by now that I don't want to see them as much as I used to.  Think I'm about to get the buggers on the run, though.

Whilst I was on the exercise bike (legs), I couldn't help but see through the window into the swimming pool.  There were two large, old gentlemen preening by the side of the pool, and at first glance, I thought I could see budgie smugglers, but upon closer inspection, the offending articles were no more than baggy shorts that were just the right size for them - just looked a little tight on their extra large bodies.  Mind you, I can't talk - can't even swim, so they were already a vast improvement on yours truly.  I tried to learn how to swim at school, but one day I nearly drowned, and the teacher did absolutely f**k all to help me, so I've got a bit of a phobia about that sort of thing now.  So, good luck to anyone that can swim, say I.

It's funny actually, because when me and my brothers and sisters were young, we used to go to the seaside for holidays, and there is video footage of my brother coming out of the sea, and it looks like his trunks are about to slide down, and there's a hilarious bit of film where he's trying to pull them up, just as a big wave comes crashing down on him from behind.  If he hadn't have hoiked them up at that particular time, he would have lost them for good - they'd have reappeared next to a rusty old bike that was so prevalent on northern beaches in the seventies.  God bless Blighty - it never fails to raise a smile!!!!!