Monday, 7 February 2011

Calling all Red Dwarf fans - GELF spotted in local gym

Had a nasty turn last week when I was gymming - it threatened to undo all my good work to date.

I'd been working out in my usual manner (badly), and I went back into the changing rooms and was confronted with a very very ugly sight.  There was a totally naked, somewhat overweight, buddha-type woman standing in the middle of the changing rooms.  I am beginning to get used to the sights I see, but I will never ever like it, especially this one.  God bless her, she was absolutely covered in moles, warts, freckles and spots - no offence, but only a mother could love that.  Absolutely terrible - I did a bit of sick in my mouth and had to shoot off to the toilets so I didn't add vomit to her list of attributes.

I'm sorry to say that my stomach turned over and I felt so physically sick and unwell.  Surely this lady isn't human - anyone who is a fan of Red Dwarf should remember the episode where a pleasure GELF manages to get on board the ship, and changes into each of the crews' fantasy partner, and one of the incarnations is a green pile of blubbery slime with its' neck sticking out of the mass, and just the one eye to look around.  Well, that's what this creature at the gym reminded me of - only Kryten could fall in love with that.  I know I certainly didn't.

On a later visit during the week, I again had the misfortune to have a close-up view of a lady's love tunnel as she bent over to take her underwear off.  Unfortunately (for me), she only had a tiny towel to cover her modesty (which didn't) - I tell you, if I wanted to look at fannies and the more intricate workings of the female reproductive system, I would have trained to become a gynaecologist.  I didn't want to, so my life has gone in a different direction, which I'm actually quite happy about.  It's gruesome down there, and other people's don't look much better from where I'm standing!!!!

Please people, cover yourselves up - you're not at home, and it's just not pretty in public.  Just don't do it, OK?

No comments:

Post a Comment