Sunday, 23 January 2011

Sorry I've been missing for a while!

Oops - doesn't time fly when you're away from your blog?  A lot has happened in the last week or so, so here we go ...

Well, for starters, the exercise bicycle seat has mysteriously reappeared - told you it was most likely a student.  Oddly enough, the machine seems to be working better, too.  Went to the gym last weekend and decided to push myself a bit further - I have discovered that getting myself into a Zen-like state and blocking out the truly terrible music that plays in the gym is the best way of getting through it all.  I can't tell you how much I hate Justin Bieber, Alesha Dixon and The Wanted.  Truly awful.  How the f**k that is supposed to motivate you is completely beyond me.  Anyway, I digress - I managed to get up to 5km/h on the treadmill, which is pretty good going for me, let me tell you.  Then I did my usual 30 minutes on the exercise bike, starting off at effort level 1 for the first km, then up to effort level 2 for the next 8 km, and lastly, I achieved a whopping effort level 3 for the last 2 km.  I felt so good (not to mention knackered, obviously), that I decided to go on the arm bike and see how far I could push myself a bit more.  I am excited to report that I managed to do 5km (yes, that's right - 5KM!!!) of arm exercise, which I thought was fabulous of me!!  Having said that, I practically fell off the bike, staggered back into the changing rooms and nearly passed out with the fatigue.

During this session, though, I did notice a strange phenomena creeping in to the environment - a set of non-identical twins came into the gym that day.  Funny, because I don't recall them being conjoined or anything like that - certainly didn't see an umbilical cord attaching them together either.  All the more strange then, that whatever machine the skinny one was using, that the fat twin had to join her at the machine by her side within 3 minutes of her switching exercise apparatus.  This trend continued throughout the time I was there - first they started off on the exercise bikes on the front row, then the skinny one (Miss Independent) went onto the arm bike, when I noticed the fat one (Miss Completely Dependent), look strained and stressed and obviously suffering from separation anxiety, practically leapt off her bike and went to sit on the arm bike at the side of Miss Independent within 3 minutes of being left by herself.  Now then, I go to the gym and work out all by myself and don't really think of it as traumatic (well, not in that respect anyway) to be left alone, but this one was something else.  She was trying to give the arm bike a go, but not really getting down to it, because gossip was far more important, then all of a sudden - calamity - Miss Independent dared to switch machines again - this time the rowing machine.  That stresses Miss Completely Dependent (or Stalky, as I like to call her), out so much that, once again, she has to hop off the machine and take up residence on the rowing machine next to Skinny. Thirty seconds in, Stalky went bright red, started whimpering, stopped rowing and just sat there, gossiping to Miss Independent, disturbing her concentration, and waited for her to finish her session instead.  Marvellous how anyone else who wanted to use the rowing machine couldn't - not because it was being used for its' purpose, but because some fat cow couldn't bear to be separated from her friend, but yet didn't want to work out at the gym either.

The best bit was that it was15 minutes before the gym closed, and they both needed to shower, but hadn't left themselves enough time, and weren't even going to leave the gym floor until the staff came to shoo them out - how ill-mannered and inconsiderate is that?  People, when you're at the gym, please be considerate and more self-aware - please don't be like these two.

Anyway, on the way home from this session, I suddenly got a banging headache, and, as such, felt the urge to have a bit of chocolate to get my energy back.  Unfortunately, the curse of Bridget Jones struck me, as I had undergone the most amazing workout and was very pleased and proud of myself, I got brought down to earth really badly when I discovered I couldn't open the bag of Minstrels, and so had to ask my partner to open them for me.  You see, I can work out with the best of them when I put my mind to it, but I'm afraid trying to open a bag of naughty chocolate is still way beyond my capabilities!  Unless, perhaps, it was fate's way of telling me that I'll never lose weight if I continue to eat crap like I do!!!!!

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