Monday, 9 May 2011

Broke a machine, then tried the others

Two weeks ago, I managed to break the exercise bike.  But, to be fair, I've noticed springs and bits of machines spread across the floor for weeks (wasn't me), so I don't feel particularly guilty.

This particular instance, I was on my favourite exercise bike, and was pedalling away quite happily, listening to my MP3 player and watching "Shaun the Sheep" on the TV.  God, I love that programme.  All of a sudden, the machine went 'bang' and then the lights went out on it, and I had to stop because I'd lost my power (my oomph, you know?)  Or perhaps it's 'get up and go' had 'got up and gone' (know that feeling very well).  It turned out that the heart monitor/cardiovascular device wire had got caught round the pedals and I'd carried on cycling when clearly I shouldn't have.  Bugger.  Mind you, it's been fixed again now, and I can't see any loose springs rolling about on the floor anymore, so maybe that work experience guy got more experience than he bargained for after all.

Well anyway, after my cycling got cut short, I decided to go on the other type of leg bike - it doesn't have a backrest, which I thought I'd be ok with, but I couldn't even get on the bike - far too high for my dwarfish frame.  So I had to give it a miss.  B******s, being discriminated against by a bike, now.  What's the world coming to?

After I gave up with that particular fight, I went to the back of the gym to see if the cross-trainers on the back row had been switched on today (they hadn't).  Swore loudly, then went on the treadmill for 20 minutes, then went on the rowing machine.  Jesus, that is such hard work - I try to pace myself, but I'm still knackered after 90 seconds.  It's uncomfortable to get your feet into, much less row the f*****g thing as well.  It's like that joke about the woman who's trying to conceive and goes to the doctor about her concerns.  The doctor runs through the checklist and asks the woman if she's looking after herself, taking rest, eating good food, etc, then finally, exasperated with not being able to pinpoint the problem, asks her if she's having sex.  "Give me a break,"she says,"I can't be expected to remember everything!"  Well, that's how I feel about the rowing machine.  The footholders are too high for me - I can't reach the rowing bar, because my fat just won't let me, then I get out of breath too quickly, there's no backrest (an absolute must-have) and I feel f*****g uncomfortable all the time I'm doing it (rowing).  It's a real s**t form of exercise, and next time I think I'll give it a miss and go back on the exercise bike and hope I don't get the lead caught up in the pedal again.

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